Unrequited love hey. Thank you so much for your reply. my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. I do everything to. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. I feel like Im only good for her when she needs a diaper changed. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! Very hopeful! I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. I think you do have a problem. Mom's Question: I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. But, I do know I cant wallow. Nursing strikes can be frightening and upsetting to both you and your baby, but they are almost always temporary. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. He tells me he wants me to leave and daddy to stay. Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. Therefore, dont think of it as spoiling her if your husband is carrying her around. You are not the only mother this has happened to. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. I dont know what to do. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. She is almost 10 months old. I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. Or is she a bit distant to you also then? So they want to carried around the clock, wont play by themselves, cant be handed over to anyone else but mom or possibly dad without screaming like there was no tomorrow. She is neither excited when I get home nor unhappy when I leave in the morning. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. I understand so much the pain you are going through. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. I know that very well! Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. Join her in her happiness when dad come home and let her know that her love of dad is OK. It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. Please advice what should I do. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. I have a 14.5 month old baby girl. You may be feeling a range of emotions about being away from your baby, all while getting used to a new daily routine that might involve busier mornings, daycare drop . If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. Thanks, Mai!!! Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. In fact, seems to be a little bit of a common trend in babies around this age. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. It may take a few tries for that method to work. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. I think there are several aspects to this. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. But Im not so sure now, I think my daughter doesnt know Im her mother. Can someone please advise me on what to do? Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. Take her outside! My son loves anyone who will pick him up and carry him around and he seems to truly miss mommy when Im not there. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. Take heart, dear parents. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. She doesnt come when i call out to her. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. I often feel that I could leave any day, never to return and my daughter would never notice. Doesnt really explain the fact hes always preferred her since he was born. Ive experienced this rejection since she is about 3 months old, but it is now that she expresses herself that it is really affecting me and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. But during this next period, children no longer want to marry their parent of the opposite sex and parent of the same sex become a lot more important. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. She would be able to go years without knowing anything about us. Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. We laugh all the time! ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. I know you'll be great. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. Mom of two and creator of Mindful Return, an e-course and blog for moms heading back to work after baby, this woman knows her subject. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. Im very hurt and try not let it get to me but its hard. To all those beautiful mummies and daddies who have shared their heart with us, you are so not alone, I have had pnd anxiety since my little man was about 2 months old and I used to feel this way so much that it broke my spirit and heart. 11. tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. I know that nobody is going to want to hear this but your relationship with your child might never be the same if you just ignore it. This cookbook contains about 200 recipes and photos of how to make delicious meals easily and quickly. Im a married mom with a 14 month old son who is obsessed with his dad and treats me like garbage a lot of the time. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. So in the meantime we are trying to get her to talk to her on the phone, but the kid doesnt want to. We started day care 2-3x a week and yesterday I picked him up expecting him to smile and be happy to see me but he just looked away. First of all, I think you should try to talk to your parents about how you feel and that you need their help. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. Not all babies become this sensitive, and it does seem as if your daughter is feeling quite secure. Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. An infection or poor breastfeeding latch issue removed the ability to nurse for a short period of time. Do you think itll pass? Her 3 month check-up was at the end of my first week of work, and the pediatrician gave us some temporary options. Understand your employer's leave policy, if you qualify for FMLA, and if any state or local laws impact parental leave. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. Been that way for the past year now. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. But in your case, I would say that this is not a relevant worry! I was always there for him. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. At 12 mos the situation was improved. No matter what I do, she still wants me. And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! She rather suck her thumb than sucking the bottle. I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. I dont know what to do. My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. She even slapped me in the face. He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! Im a teacher so am home most days quite early so do see a lot of her. please help me ,because i feel that my son hates me and that destroy me . She was with me mornings and nights. So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. I cant quite remember if this started at around the same time but she no longer wants to be with me she will reach out for anyone else who is around, and this is really upsetting for me. should i just let her be with whoever she wants to be with? Goodness! I am in the same boat. And when I get her home she ignores me. Much more effective than disciplining a child. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. Play lots of games with your daughter. Its the opposite of what you think. Im the mother who wrote nearly a year ago that my baby boy didnt seem to love me, I posted later that things seemed to be improving and now, at 18 months, I feel absolutely loved by my son. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. I dont know what to do, I have to work to support her, and I want that bond. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. She seems to have the same behavior with my wife too. What scares me the most is that I dont want her to start having tantrums when she cant get what she wants. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and then cry, laugh, journal or call a friend. I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she wont even look my way! At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. this week she turned 9 months and she has somehow attached herself to my mom. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. I have a 11 month old little girl. Every experience is different, but generally, it takes around six weeks to feel relief from most postpartum symptoms after having a baby. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. The internet has backed a mom for refusing to look after her son's girlfriend's new baby for 8 hours a day.. She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! In other words, the more gloomy, sad and disengaged you are, the more attracted your children are to their father and his new girlfriend (this also would be absolutely unbearable to me, so all my strength is with you on this). But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). I know its not fun for her and I think that is why she rather remain with her father. Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! What can I do? Can you please help? for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. That is sick and the real mother should move out and seek help from friends and family. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. For the mom with low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and she used to be very affectionate. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. But in about a week things changed, and he was starting to want me again. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. I want my baby to love me as much as I love her, but I understand I cant force that. Im totally on the same boat as all of you(s)! Most nursing strikes are over, with the baby back to breastfeeding, within two to four days. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. Play games together with both her and her if needed. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. Another aspect is that neither you nor your son seems to be comfortable with the role you have right now. you are a good mother. I guess i am being silly. If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. blessings to you all. I only seen him twice and I feel like if he is getting very distant from me.last time he visited with his father he banged his head by my head little bit and he refused to be comforted by me, he only wanted to go to his dad. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. Can someone give me a lil advice to help me. I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. And I would say it is actually a good sign. A boy and a girl. I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. what am I to do !! I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. And one afternoon she suddenly started rejecting me. Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. i want to know if this is normal or just a phrae shes going through. I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. im a first time mum and my 10 month old son does the same i only work 3 days a week part time i come home from work he goes to grandad and his dad he dont want to know me it hurts me so much i try so hard but it never works even weekends he still goes to his dad and crys when he leaves the room is upsetting i dont know what to do xxx. It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. Im a single 18 year old mother who still lives at home with my parents and siblings. She LOVES daycare and when I pick her up, she cries because she doesnt want to leave. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. So here comes my last advice. Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! She just says well what can i do/say. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. Maybe cuddle up the three of you in her bed for a little story or lullaby? Please help what could it be if ive been such a great mommy to him super lovable!! I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. our babies love us. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. Take your baby for a casual walk. My mom stayed with me for the first four months to help me out. Or maybe it is related still not your fault. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. what can i do to make it better? But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! Seems to be a bit of a pattern in the posts that I have read from you all. i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? This will help you to feel connected with your baby. He now prefers my mom over me and could care less if Im around. And that is actually the key to your bonding. She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. This is painful, really painful. Consider your overall financial picture. It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. Im happy and relieved to report that our little one is no longer preferring one parent over another. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. Or that babies dont do that. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. Never has. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. The other important thing is to protect your supply. I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. I adore and love my som immensely. After some time, if all adults involved really try to focus on what is best for the baby and put their personal feelings aside, things will eventually turn out well. Do so at the times your baby used to nurse. i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. So I came online, and read this entire thread. I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. Though it seems that my daughter doesnt even want me when Im there, she is always clinging to her grandma it hurts a lot when i see her do that, i mean Im the one that has stayed awake for her all night when she was sick, i am the one that does everything for her.