Otherwise though he is a good boyfriend. Adolescent Crushes. Its especially painful when you have a son together. Saying things like YOU need to make peace (when i already have, even though I wasnt in the wrong) or things like why didnt YOU say hello to her (when SHE didnt say hello to me either). By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. When you are ready to talk to me again, give me a call. He wants to be a chef and currently works 2 jobs (this whole spring break Ive seen him twice) I get upset and angry. Everybody knows its innapropriate, but hes going to let it slide, because he thinks that dealing with and confronting his dad about this, will make it worse. About me. He's very cute, he's very thoughtful (for the most part), he can be optimistic and enthusiastic but he's a pushover. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By Imagine having to go through THAT everyday. He told me I was hurting his feelings by things I had said, I apologized and we were able to move on and I learned. Yes, my boyfriend is a decent family man and he does try to keep peace. Sometimes, eventually, I'll coax out of him that he never agreed with me on that point, he just did it to make me feel better. I tried to talk to him about it but it never ever went anywhere. God only knows why you have spent all that time coaxing him out of one of his silences. 20 warning signs he doesn't care about you If you find yourself thinking, "My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore," it may be because it seems like he doesn't care about the relationship. A controlling boyfriend, however, always has a way of making you feel like you aren't good enough. I am sometimes also a little prone to depression and, when I was down, he did nothing but depress me even more. Hanalei Vierra, Ph.D., LMFT, marriage and family therapist, This article was originally published on November 15, 2018, The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited, When Having An Affair Is An Act Of Self-Care. Sorry for this late response, what has gone with your relationship in the meantime? They're growing up! The fact is, a lot of money has traded hands between not just him to me and my son but his family even paid for surgery for my son without which he would be dead. He was going to a 21st party, I asked him not to drink too much, because he gets affectionate when drunkand he got drunk and ended up kissing a girl he'd never met before.which he only 'found out' when he got a message from a friend asking, "I heard you made out with --- on the weekend. Good night, (nickname)." Either he has no back bone and can only get by on their approval or he just loves the security of his family and culture more than he loves me. I dated a guy like this for 5 years. Ive been with him 13 yearsalso I have a lot of ties I have to break with him b4 I can do that. Im not steering you away or trying to talk you out of being with this guy But the big red flags are flyn EVERYWHERE. It's harsh, but my boyfriend has no backbone. At this point I would rather live in my car, I cant take this anymore. He doesn't make a sound . Ive told him several times that it hurts me that we cant do things as a normal couple, he always has to hide the fact that hes with me and it really causes me a lot of pain in the relationship. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. His entire attitude towards any sort of negative emotion or situation is very immature. He's an opinionated, intelligent guy. If he doesn't then you have to take a good look at the relationship and ask yourself what you are getting from it and if it really is worth it. We have so many similarities. Its really hard if not impossible to get your boyfriend to change. My partner just moved recently next to his mate whichis very controlling and very opinionated. He told me that I should just ignore it. Kelly1988 I am open to moving to where he wants in the future under different circumstances but its clear that still isnt good enough because he wants me to say that I will do what he wants right now regardless of all of my concerns about and my personal goals and wishes. Be clear how you what you want your boyfriend to stand up for you. Do you deserve this unsolicited scrutiny from his inner circle? It just hurts that Im being trampled over and made fun of. He wants to live in a different country from what I want. We control our own efforts to be as loving, true, gentle, and kind as our God calls us to be as we live with healthy, God-ordained priorities.. A: Oh gosh this is painful, for both of them. Unless theyre willing to sit down and talk about how they treat you, you may never know what is causing their behaviors, words, and attitudes. That is the stage at which it is simplest to just get out of a relationship, no harm, no foul and just maybe you will meet someone who does want the same things. I meanwhy don't I just talk to my wall instead? Many of us find ourselves between jobs or out of work at some time or another in life. And his response to that was, characteristically: Nothing. I said that if he's just going to sit on the other end of the line in complete silence for hours every single time, then I might as well talk my problems over with myself, because that's essentially what I'm doing. Davidgrx What would happen if you continued the way things are, and stopped fighting the way your boyfriends child feels about you? "We Do Not Own The Rights To Any of The. Joke aside, I did have exactly the same problem. Told him to stay away from me. If his so called friend starts to influence your fiances opinions and attitudes towards you Im in this story right now than your relationship will deteriorate. Im in a amazing relationship with my boyfriend. But if it ever gets even remotely as bad as this BAIL. Learn how to respond to a boyfriend who doesnt defend or stand up for you. I would really like some help on what to do or how I could talk to him about it appropriately? I find it so out of order and argue with him over it. How to love your partner, plus tips for healthy love relationships. I have a friend whose husband needs constant attention. Bye for now.". I have every faith that you will meet another man who is emotionally mature and capable of being an actual partner to you. How to test a relationship, to see if its healthy and strong. so my boyfriend wont stand up for me when his friends talk bad about me what should I do? I get upset so often that Im getting to the point where I dont feel like being affectionate anymore or texting. Do I Need To Tell Him I Cheated? By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. My boyfriend does not satisfy me in bed. My fiance and I have a wonderful relationship there is only one problem. You have your whole life ahead of you. It sounds cliche, but communication really is key. His dad is mouthy drunk who thinks he is always right and every woman is nothing but a cheating and sleezing manipulater who is fake and has a shady side do to the fact that his ex wife left him for another man. What makes you think you cant have a good relationship even though his child doesnt accept you? Hes been staying at my house last 4to 5 mths. It is impossible to change the dynamics once they are set. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. His father acts like he does like me. Privacy Policy. Hes been with his family for alot longer than hes been with you, and its not easy to change those old patterns of relating to family. Well she had a fit ! We need to stop worrying about the unhealthy fallout of unhealthy people who are challenged by healthy decisions. And then itll be difficult for the boyfriend to find his boundaries back, even if it gets really bad. Elle Woods approaches the judges bench to replace Professor Callahan, who refuses to step aside in Brooke Windhams case. No, I dont think it was wrong for you to give up on him. "Let your partner know, 'I can see why you feel that way,'" Vierra says. we are in the same boat!! Your email address will not be published. It irritates me. What can I say/do that could help the situation?. He Plants Seeds of Doubt. Does your partner want you to leave the room with them if things get heated? Maybe you really want your relationship with your boyfriends friends and family to be goodbut you know its not possible unless your boyfriend stands up for you. We ve been together for 4 years and a half My boyfriends' dad is a doctor who doesn t have a leg( he has a prostethic one) and his mother has Press J to jump to the feed. People seek advice, usually wanting to hear only what they want to hear. Don't stay in a relationship like this. Relationships take work and the basis for much of that work is being able to communicate effectively. A partner should be encouraging, should build your confidence, and push you to believe in yourself. Our issue isnt kids, its where to live. He bought me a promise ring and always talks about our future together but I have no idea whether hell choose me at the end of the day when it comes to that decision because I know his parents will never accept me. And she ran and told her family. For example my future ex-BF(the one I'm thinking about dumping because of his general knowledge issue) has truly saved my life in this department. The problem is hes Muslim and Im not and his family doesnt accept that. Is his or her feelings such a barrier to your relationship that it cant progress any further? The scene marks Emmett as a beau worth having. 2-As stated by . It's not worth being stressed all the time. Its an overlooked moment because it seems obvious: Emmett would always stand up for Elle. I dont know if hell ever stand up for me. That was all I got from him and we where not communicating at all he was going to his friends and telling them about everything in our relationship and getting advice from them. Sick and tired. Maybe you cant go to all the family functions.but maybe going to family events together isnt a huge part of a healthy relationship. KerrianAugust 24, 2010 in Relationship Advice. "Affectionate when drunk" is a super-cool euphemism I'm definitely gonna use from now on. Leave him.but thats easier said than done. No it doesn't make a relationship work on its own. Do you really care what his friends think of you? Find out who is toxic to you, consider walking away, and entrust them to God, writes Gary Thomas in When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People. If not, press the 'off' button on your phone and do something more productive. Hes a good man, isnt he? Some would say that it's unnecessary for your age and that compromising and working on a long-term relationship is something you'll have plenty of time for when you're forty and (possibly) with kids to think about, but I think it demonstrates that you're mature and responsible. How to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship, on quips and tips for love and relationships. He recognised me and started saying things about me to my boyfriend which arent entirely true things like I wanted him and I agreed to have sex with him and that I am bad news and that I used to hang around with some bad people. Both mom and sister came to my home trying to take him from me but he stayed with me i was so proud he didnt let them control him. Answer (1 of 45): Confidence is up to you to create for yourself. It can be hard for someone to stand up against their parents, especially if they've never set any boundaries with their family." They might feel disloyal by voicing support for you. And while your partner might be willing to confront a stranger who disrespects you, things get trickier when if the offender is a family member or friend. Help knowing when to break up, so you can find a healthy relationship. Being a team doesn't always [mean] fighting the other person's battles on their behalf, Graber adds. It hurts that I try so hard to be the perfect person for him. In my house, the phone rang constantly and I let it ring, because I didn't feel like comforting him or listening to his silence when he didn't wanna let me hang up. Thank you for your comments on what she should do when her boyfriend doesnt stand up for her, Valerie! Can you continue a relationship with him, just the way he is now? Here are 17 reasons why he won't break up with you 1) His relationship with you is convenient for him Reason number 1 goes like this: your relationship is somehow convenient to him. I just want to tell him to grow up, and end the call there and then, not spend half an hour coaxing out of him what's wrong. He told me he really didnt care what they where saying about but some if it he listened to them about me. Cookie Notice If you ever bother to read the whole thing, that is. My boyfriend will not stand up for me and I am trying to decide if he's in the wrong or not. Thank you for sharing your story; it sounds like youre really struggling with your boyfriends inability to stand up for you. Started Thursday at 07:54 PM, By 5 Signs, Are You in Love With a Married Man? It can be hard for someone to stand up against their parents, especially if they've never set any boundaries with their family.". It seems to me that he just wants constant attention from you. My bf does stand up for me in all cases except with this one. Sorry it's a bit long I got carried away. In recent years, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives. Its not a fair religion. It's a mistake to treat passive-aggression as a victim state. you are so right. Would you prefer your partner set more boundaries with their family? Frankly he does not sound emotionally healthy enough to have a successful relationship. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. They might feel disloyal by voicing support for you. The other day we when to visit them at there house been a while i havent stop by at.. and the first thing my boyfriend says to me was say hi dont be rude..? I never did anything to her to hate me and i dont know wat to do. 10 things to consider when your boyfriend doesn't have a job 1) Why doesn't he have a job? I have been in that boat before. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. WrittenInTheStars I think there's no chance of you getting pregnant or contacting any diseases YAAAY!!!!"(joke). I admire your courage and strength, Blair! and our "Being unwilling to defend a significant other doesn't necessarily mean someone is being disrespectful or ignoring your feelings," Graber says. By staying silent, he backstabbsd you. ), and I'm getting to the point where I just don't care. Example; Motherinlaw made a nasty joke about undercooked turkeys on Thanksgiving having the same colour as your legs in winter. Help for marriage problems, for couples who are recently or forever married. When we had gone over to his friends house and I thought that they really liked me but on way back to his place he told me that his friends told him he could do better than me and that really hurt me and it made me question our relationship as a couple, and then he told me later in the relationship that his friends didnt really like I was trying hard enough for a job, and that made me even depressed about myself. In the end, they will do what they feel regardless. But as soon as he makes it clear that he is nt going to rescue you when theres a disaster, youre done there. I dont see any solutions on how to change that about him. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. The only think I know is that you cant force anyone to change. When you're dating a guy, you want to be able to talk to him about his emotions and you expect him to be able to express himself. Ive studied it extensively Take my advice end it while you still have your sanity and youth. Hes always worried about what I do, and not how i am feeling or what theyre doing. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. And the thing is what we have is amazing. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. The remainder of his family has accepted us as a couple without any issues. He knows they don't approve of you and he doesn't have the power to stand up for you and himself to his parents.