11 months ago I started dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. I get it, youre both on the brink every second that goes by and it feels like thats all there is and ever will be. past experiences? Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. My boyfriend is like this, before I met him I was very depressed, self harmed, tried taking my own life but one day I met him I felt instantly happy I never felt this, however he left me for his ex girlfriend and I felt hopeless again. It also seems like you have come to the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that something must change. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. So you see, these emotions are complicated, you have trace them few steps back to understand what is really going on. Every time we go out she freaks out. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. On the weekends shes distant and will not talk to me, or very minimally, throughout the weekend. DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. I came over this weekend, she didnt seem to be too excited, she made me dinner but kept glancing at her phone, this hurt because she made less effort to communicate with me get she was on her phone more than usual. Recent events have dragged prices down. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. We started dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed. it takes a lot of courag and resolve to stick around and be supportive to your partner and youve done that.kudos to that.please see that you have been strong and supportive for so long so you cannot think you will break.be confident and seek better outlets.therapy can help in a major way as I have seen.all the best. Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. No one feels superior or inferior to the other." The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. Dear M, If you would like to find a mental health professional for your girlfriend, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. (Cue that sad trombone. She has lost sleep all night, and so did I. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. A woman goes through a break up, she goes out, cries half the time and gets her drinks paid for all night and has her choice of a half a dozen guys fighting over her. We used to talk all day, have very long calls every night, laugh a lot, play together. I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. Gently but strongly. ago Welcome to r/dating_advice! But i just seem lost and i need answers, idk if i was harsh and Im totally new at this so Im sorry if i was being harsh and all but plz help. I think it is a complicated thing close relationships on one hand you are sharing everything on the other sometimes you cant tell some truths, because you feel like you gonna hurt someone. One day she wanted to elope Bcos she feared the crowd at our wedding and the next day she just broke it off completely with no reasons. Im there for her and she knows it. She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. Dude, somewhere inside you still know that too, its a natural instinct. We were engaged. Ive been there, multiple times. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. Everyday is a battle. When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. Here are some ways this may happen. Before this everything was amazing, great relationship, we admitted to each other that we were in love and had fallen head over heals, amazing sex, I really felt like I had found my best friend. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! Im in a similar situation & it is making me crumble emotionally. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. I wish you answers. Peace, Man, you guys are explaining my life. But i will never get married again since it really has become very risky for many of us men that have been married the first time. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. Lately, Ive been becoming stronger, Ive finished my graduation, am starting to work by myself. I missed her, but she pushed me away and i got fed up from this. Her aggression and fights are only there to tell you that she needs help, and help in this case is outside you two therapy, friends, new experiences. I started to feel distant from her and that i dont want to be intimat to her. I dont know how much you have tried already, but why not try it? He has put me last every time. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. She will feel a million times worse than you what about how the other side feel and how they cant cope but just have to sit and wait for them to snap out of by the time they snap out of it they could be going to their partners funeral or word they wont be able to then look after their partner. All efforts made on my part were in vain. It is sad, my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out. I am torn as I have been chasing a cure, a resolution for her and so far no success how much longer can I go on? Totally agree with your comment. Im the one whos always giving the support and its draining me and she doesnt appreciate it at all and said she cant feel our love anymore. Am I codependent? Should I leave her be and wait for her to consult me? It would be way worse, and if you leave, then the relationship wouldnt be as big of a crutch and she and you can move on and grow. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. If she wanted to cheat that is her choice. It is your life too. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. We had went there to plan for an engagement, but all she had for us was a rejection, simply because I don't own a house. And dwelling in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option. You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! hello, I am this depressed girl, She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. But this might not work or end tragically also. I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. But of course this isn't the case in an unhealthy relationship. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. I Got a Secret (feat. We had ups and downs for almost a year till i realised that she is alcoholic, and sadlly that the day we met (which i consider the most romantic day i had) she had bottle of wine hidden in her bag. We list further resources on this page:https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, If you would like to get in touch with a therapist, you can search our directory for mental health professionals in your area: goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. How wrong! Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. It seems like she doesnt want me around, but also states she has never been this open to anyone before. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. I took on too much. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. She doesnt want to leave me either, because if she does she says she will kill herself. Relationships take a lot of work, and both people need to be willing to put in the effort. So what am I to her now?? Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. Good looking, good healthy cooking. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. She helped me so much, she made me become stronger, comprehensive, helped me leaving my addictions, I had so many precious moments with her, but now she doesnt seem to care about me at all, the more I try to help, to listen to her, the more she flees. 6. There is so many thoughts and circumstances for a girl. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. As long as your eyes are open. SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. I feel really lost. Ive been going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt help me. Drag Me Down Lyrics [Verse 1: Harry] I've got fire for a heart, I'm not scared of the dark You've never seen it look so easy I got a river for a soul, and, baby, you're a boat Baby, you're my. Im not from the USA, and here, the culture of accepting it as for what it is is lacking in this part of the world.My bf of almost 8 years rolls his eyes, when the other me is present. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. i feel it but i but i just cant deal with being her friend in school and more outside, i cant do it in school. Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. Trying to fix it on yours own either no optional. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. I hear your talking and whispers, pale drawn out nails and fingers. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. She might be craving for you to cross the distance. You're so shallow. Welcome to Tissue Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash . Im in a LDR myself too although I have never met her IRL. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. We've been together for about a year now. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. It works for me (I dont really have a hobby Im just at school all the time). You create your own reality. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. You will only drag yourself down in the end. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. were so messed up its insane. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. Now I am devastated, saddened and hurt by the fact my beautiful girlfriend (now ex) is so unwell and theres nothing that I can really do, except offer my support and love. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. This girl was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive. So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. Take it as a hint that things need to change. See what I mean? She looks for a bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex. Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. I found myself in a very similar situation. Your story is pretty much identical to mine. It's not fun for either party, and it's definitely a sign that things aren't entirely healthy. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. Theres a lot of pain in watching someone else you love give up on their own life, be unhappy about decisions they made and wonder why the relationship is falling apart when theyve manipulated your emotions by hurting u, breaking up with you so many times and not having anything positive to say on any problem you or they have,together or singularly. Am I giving up too quickly, am I weak, am I selfish I really dont know what I should do or feel right now. Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? She wont tell me whats going on. She talks about it so much now that I dont even get shocked anymore. I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. I dont know if you know Jesus, and sorry if I sound like a religious nutcase now but Im really trying to help you. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. Firstly, good work for simply dealing with it as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think. The reason Yt5s.io is the best youtube downloader . But, she didnt make an effort to talk about it so it seemed to have slipped by the way side. So that he loves himself. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. Thank you for reaching out. of each person. I dont see it getting any better. Good Luck Everyone. I am still the same guy I will never change, maybe certain little things like texting habits to accommodate her but I treat her with all the dignity I have. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. There has to be solutions. Or sit down and plan something new to try. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. I really hope that it is it. Most of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! But I feel so guilty and ashamed and like a failure for wanting this and I dont know what to do. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. I cant leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to live if i left her. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. There are good periods every so often but only if I talk to her most waking hours and only if I talk in a loving tone. We read your comment, and we hear your frustration and unhappiness. Do you guys fight all the time? (All is Hell) (You're so tired) But you just can't sleep. Wow. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. I do not see a future with her but I get so torn up at the thought of leaving her to her depression and her situation, Im in the exact same situation as you gaz. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. ), It can also really take you by surprise. If you have solution, you are God for me:(. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! You deserve to be happy as well. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. All i see now is cold person who i love and so frustrated by the lack of intimacy. Step by step. Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). It's an affect that's truly worth noting. You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. And as you deal with their negativity, you may find yourself no longer interested in things you used to find fun like going out, being social, or, you know, leaving the apartment. Being active/yoga, eating healthy and drinking lots of water can help a lot a lot. Sounds to me like a bunch of spoiled princesses. Warm regards, I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? Hi everyone, I lost my faith in myself, in my abilities, in my attractiveness, I also lost my job because I was physically sick because of stress. She keeps saying this like Im not a good person & I dont think Ill ever stop feeling this way I have given her reassurance, saying Im here for it through the good and bad, but fuck it seems like Im talking to a brick wall sometimes. I am essentially a caretaker now. I dont know if that is the case with you too. She felt distanced by me, but in no way did i feel any different toward her. All I could do is be the best boyfriend a girl could have. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. Dont worry youre not alone! Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? But enough about me, what I suggest youd do is get a hobby, or something to distract you from thinking about her all the time. Healthy couples can chat about pretty much anything. 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